Recently someone approached me with a question that I had never been asked before. He asked, “Are you a jedi, or a sith?” It was posed by someone determining my personality and with my upbringing and interest in the world of Star Wars, I thought I would have confidence in answering the question. When he had me read the code of each order, it provoked a curiosity in me that had me pondering each philosophy intently, causing me to ask myself with real sincerity, am I a Jedi or a Sith?
The jedi mantra reads: “Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet the Force.” One might think the code of the Sith would be the complete opposite, and being the mantra of a power that is put in the light of evil, it would be easy to think so. But in actuality there is truth in its words. It says, “Peace is a lie, there is only passion. Through passion, I gain strength. Through strength, I gain power. Through power, I gain victory. Through victory, my chains are broken. The Force shall free me.”
I thought long and hard about which philosophy would be more applicable to my life, and the answer I gave him was…both. From what I gather, it didn’t seem like the answer he was hoping for, although he graciously accepted it. But hopefully this will give him a new perspective, because it’s very strange how I came up with the answer in the first place. It took a completely different story to determine where I stand and here’s how it began. As a kindergarten teacher, I study the minds of children every day. I see their innocence and thought process as they face different dilemmas that we teachers purposely give them so they may be well practiced with advanced problems in the future.
Due to a child’s strong curiosity and desire to learn, they forgo consequences because they have yet to discover their existence or importance. That’s why it’s crucial we teach cause and effect at an early age. A basic example of this would be, “If I touch a hot stove, I’ll get burned.” Naturally it is the kind of cause and effect that one can determine on their own through experience. But if they know it beforehand, it will save them from experiencing a great deal of pain, possible deformity and even death. As a nurturer, there are countless lessons I teach to save a child from any kind of pain for various situations. I try so hard to answer the “what if…” questions before a child can take their curiosity and learn the hard way how cruel life can be all because their curiosity needed to be satisfied.
But something I have discovered about human nature over the years is this…curiosity will never be satisfied, and pain will never cease to occur no matter how fast or how far we run from it. The idea is depressing, but it's how we use it and endure it that determines the outcome. As we go through life, we never accomplish a challenge just once. In fact we face the same predicaments over and over again, but with different perspectives as we grow from childhood to adulthood. Many think that our choices determine our futures, and in many ways it does. But there will always be outside forces changing our fate where we didn’t ask for them. To emphasize this, one day I decided to go for a walk. The next thing I know I’m waking up in the emergency room because a man ran a stop sign and didn’t see me crossing his path. That night I had no intention of satisfying any curiosity. I already knew if I didn’t look both ways crossing a street, I could be severely injured. I even used the cross walk and simply believed the driver understood the cause and effect: If I break a law, someone could get hurt. I put a lot of faith in trust in him to respect that rule, and ended up suffering the consequences of someone else’s mistake. I could have chosen to hate him and bask in the resentment I once had for him. But by choosing forgiveness, I was able to recognize the blessings that came from it. One: I got a great settlment that paid for all my medical bills and my new car. Two: There are no lasting effects from my injuries. And three: I have a feeling the driver learned a lesson about cause and effect. Perhaps if he didn't, fate would have put in him the same situation and the person he hit wouldn't have survived.
As children, we believe our choices only affect us. But the older we get, the more people who surround us receive the consequences of our actions. To determine my initial answer, I stopped looking into the world of George Lucas and dove into the world established by Lewis Carroll. He was the author of the famous stories, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass. Because Walt Disney has forced us to look at the story with his perspective, we don’t read too much into it. We forget the original story, why it was written or what it could possibly mean.
The story of Alice is based on a real little girl Lewis Carroll met in reality. One day he noticed her boredom and told her a story for entertainment. Enthralled by it, she asked him to write it down and he agreed. But as soon as Carroll became inspired, he decided to create a longer version and was determined to have the world hear it. I often wonder what inspired him and where the drive to have it published came from, especially when it contains so many morals, riddles and nonsense. And today no one really knows what it means. But because I can’t ask him myself, through my experiences, I’ve developed my own interpretation, for it is truly the best example that can describe how my life started and who I am today.
Alice is obviously the protagonist in the story. She is a child with a strong sense of curiosity that leads her to a world of wonder and adventure. She understands emotion, but finds peace in all things. She is very ignorant, but seeks knowledge. She knows passion exists in some form or another, but doesn’t fully understand it, therefore remains serene. She unknowingly enters into a world of chaos, and treats it as a place of harmony. Death will be inevitable, but life is worth fighting for. Because she is so young, this is what curiosity teaches her. But remember...this is a childlike perspective. Her future is undetermined, but because it's a story, we simply don't dwell on it. The same goes for the Queen of Hearts. Because she is the villian, we don't care about how she came into power. No one knows what kind of life she lived or why she is called The Queen of Hearts. We know now that every tortured soul has a past. What was hers?
The color she possesses symbolizes power, heated emotion and passion. With that passion, she has gained strength and dominance. With that dominance, she gains victory. And with every victory, her chains are broken. But what chains tied the queen down to evoke that thirst for power—the bloodlust or obsession with control? In the world of Star Wars, Yoda explains, “Fear leads to anger; anger leads to hate; hate leads to suffering.” The Queen ordered the beheading of many subjects, but what provoked the initial fear? Why would she hate white roses—a flower that symbolizes innocence and purity? Could it be her innocence was taken from her? Could it be she wants to punish the one who took it, but can’t so she punishes everyone else? This story started out with Alice entering wonderland through a mirror and onto a field, which happened to be a giant chessboard. Why would a queen be so determined to win a game unless she had been beaten or “played” by others in her past?
The way I see it, both Alice and the Queen are the exact same person. We all should know by now that our worst enemies are our darkest selves. Curiosity in the age of innocence can lead us down dark paths. As Alice looked in the mirror, she was seeing the result of “curiosity killed the cat”. Like many, I didn't have an ideal childhood, but my parents worked very hard to mask the truth of what I was surrounded by every day for the sake of my happiness. I am grateful to them for that, but as I entered wonderland with confidence and excitement, I made impulsive decisions, putting much faith and trust in the questionable characters that surrounded me and ended up in a lot of emotional, mental and physical pain. Yes, I had been warned, but our curiosity changes as we get older. I ended up being betrayed, lied to, toyed with… Needless to say once I reached maturity, I met a lot of men who tried to take advantage of my innocence and ignorance. They didn't succeed, but they all took a piece of my heart with them. I was determined to crawl out of that pit of naivety and by doing so I discovered the truth my parents had shielded me from. I realized my life was a lot darker than I thought it was. But more importantly, I didn't respond to it well. And once I stared into the looking glass and magnified my anger, vengeance and lust for control soon followed. I wanted nothing more than to dominate the hearts who broke mine, for Hell hath no fury than a woman scorned.
Once I recognized where my curiosity had taken me, I was determined to wake up from the nightmare I got myself into like Alice did. Notice that the Jedi code includes passion, but beside it stands serenity. That means passion is not a bad thing; it is possible to obtain it, yet own it with a peace of mind so it may add more order and peace to one’s everyday life. Power is selfish and doesn’t like to be shared. If I am struggling to gain it, how can I peacefully share it with a man who is determined to have that same power? How can I not be blinded by the fact that by freeing my own chains, I am throwing them on someone else? That is exactly what my oppressors had done to me. By gaining power, I am becoming the very thing I hated. I realize now why I was born a nurturer. The Force knew I would be faced with such a predicament and my love for innocence is what’s keeping the balance. But how can I find true redemption? Is it even possible to change my way of thinking?
Darth Vader answered this question during his last few moments of life. He had chosen the dark side and destroyed many lives for the sake of power. But it was watching his son suffer that encouraged him to find redemption and help restore peace by letting go the part of himself that he feared to lose.
So to the man who asked, “Are you a Jedi, or a Sith?” I pose the same question to you. Whatever your answer, I leave you with a few words of advice regarding your situation. Don't be a King of Hearts. If a woman is made to feel like she is taking a risk; compromising herself for the sake of curiosity, then there's a greater chance you'll meet your match and find yourself facing a mad woman shouting, "Off with your head!" Also remember, to be a Jedi is to be selfless. Once a woman recognizes your willingness to sacrifice the ways of the world, there is no need for to you have to take her heart like mine had been taken from me. Rather, she will entrust it to you freely, and you will find a greater peace amidst the passion you seek.
